"We don't always know how it ends."

17 across is wrong. It’s just wrong. Do you believe that Ruth?
Ruth: You should call them.
...
[On phone]
17 across. Yes, 17 across is wrong. ...You're spelling his name wrong. ...What's my name? My name doesn't matter. I am just an ordinary citizen who relies on the Times crossword for stimulation. And I'm telling you that I met the man twice. And I recommended a pre-emptive missle strike against his air force, so I think I know how...
CJ: Leo!
They hang up on me every time!

Is there anything I can say other than the President rode his bicycle into a tree?
He hopes never to do it again.
Seriously, they're laughing pretty hard.
What do you want me to - the President, while riding his bicycle, came to a sudden arboreal stop.

I am making a mental list of those who are snickering, and even as I speak I'm preparing appropriate retribution.

Margaret: Can I just say something for the future? *I* can sign the president's name. I've got his signature down pretty good.
You can sign the president's name?
Yeah.
On a document removing him from power and giving it to someone else?
Yeah. Or do you think the White House Counsel would say that's a bad idea?
I think the White House Counsel would say that's a Coup D'Etat.
I'd probably end up doing some time for that.
I would think. And what the hell are you doing practicing the president's signature?
It's just for fun.
We've got separation of powers, checks and balances, and Margaret, vetoing things and sending them back to the hill.

[signing Christmas cards]
Who the hell is this guy and why would I care if he has a merry Christmas?
...
Who's Sarah?
Margaret: Your sister.

President: Sweden has a 100% literacy rate. 100%! How do they do that?
Maybe they don't and they can't add.

Sam: How did you know?
I had you tailed.
Josh: You had us tailed?
Yes.
Sam: Why?
On the off chance that you're as stupid as you look.

President: We should hire her.
You mean as a joke on Sam?
No, not as a joke on Sam, I mean we should hire her as a reality. We should hire her.
She's a Republican.
So are half of the people in this country.
Well, that half lost.

President: Why would Palestinians murder American government officials? They never have before. They're deliberately provoking us, Leo. They know that we have to retaliate. They've studied us, they want us to overreact.
This isn't overreacting, this is the appropriate, balanced...
[shouting] Tell me how this ends, Leo! You want me to start something that may have serious repercussions on American foreign policy for decades, but you don't know how this ends!
We don't always know how it ends!

If we're gonna walk into walls, I want us running into 'em full speed.

This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, "Hey, you, can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole. Can you help me out?" The priest writes a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me. Can you help me Out" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are you nuts? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before - and I know the way out."

Do you think that increasing the body count is going to act as a deterrent?
President: You're damn right I do.
Well then, you're just as stupid as these people who think that capital punishment will act as a deterrent to drug kingpins. As if drug kingpins didn't live their day to day lives under the possibility of execution, and their executions are a lot less dainty than ours, and tend to take place without the bother and expense of due process. So, my friend, if you want to start using American military strength as the arm of the Lord, you can do that. We're the only superpower left. You can conquer the world, like Charlemagne. But you better be prepared to kill everyone. And you had better start with me because I will raise up an army against you and I will beat you.